I was a service technician way back in the day before smart phones and GPS units. This meant, every morning I would need to use Mapquest to look up addresses for the different customer sites I was going to that day. For the most part Mapquest was great at pin pointing where I needed to go. However, occasionally I would look up an address that wasn’t listed within Mapquest or on my paper maps. This meant I had to rely on the customer to provide adequate directions to their location. This either went smoothly with a list of street names and turns to make or it went horribly wrong with obscure landmarks like turn by the big oak tree that all by the way has been cut down. The story below starts with some obscure directions but leads to a place I will never forget.

On a warm and sunny summers morning, I was completing my normal routine like any other day. However, this day I couldn’t find a customer’s street address on any map; including Mapquest. This meant I had to ask the customer for directions. I took a deep breath and with a pen and paper in hand I called the customer. A woman answered the phone and I told her who I was and asked if someone would be onsite around 9:30 so I could repair their computer. With a backwoods hick like accent she replies, “sure we will be here”.

Then I asked where they were located.  With every word she spoke the more I realized my destination wasn’t going to be an upscale home. In the back of my mind, I told myself if she uses Walmart as a point of reference there is no doubt I will be driving to a trailer park. As if she was reading my mind, she blurts out, “go down that road until you see the Walmart but turn on the dirt road before the Walmart”. Dirt road! At this point I am just waiting for her to say the word trailer. Then she proceeds to tell me, “go back the dirt road for a short bit and on your right will be a trailer with a black pickup truck out front”. At this point I am shaking my head wondering when these directions will end but I had to ask one question, “What if the truck isn’t there when I arrive is there another way to tell which trailer yours is”. Without any hesitation she tells me “don’t worry that truck is not going anywhere”. At that very moment I realized this is not going to be a nice trailer park but rather a rundown sh!t hole.

As I drove back the dirt road and looking to my right for a black pickup truck I quickly realize why the truck wasn’t going to move. It was up on cinderblocks and the tires were removed. As I pull in next to the broken down pickup truck I take a quick look at the trailer and that is when I noticed the attached wooden porch is leaning at an odd angle. I get out of the car and start heading to the front door. As I step onto the porch I feel it sway. I slow my pace and cautiously tip toed over to the front door. I look up and was about ready to knock when I noticed a window about 5 inches to the left of the screen door. I couldn’t help but look in because it was right next to where I was standing. I look in and see a 300+lb man sitting on a dirty looking couch wearing a stained tank top. Once, I refocused and knocked on the screen door is when I realized something wasn’t right with the door. The door seemed very flimsy. I looked the door over and noticed a bungy cord running through the screen door, around the wall and out through the window to hold the door shut. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. At that point I heard, “boy get the door”. I stood there awkwardly as I watched the boy get off the couch and walk over to the door. It was hard to keep a straight face as I stood there while the boy reached through the window and unclipped the bungy cord to let me in. The boy which looked like he was about 7-8 years old tells me to come in.

I take one step in and look to my right toward their kitchen. I noticed a stack of dishes that are at least a foot above the top of the sink and plates of food that have been there for days. The flies were swarming the area and I saw maggots crawling in an old pizza box on the floor. I turn to my left and notice the floor was covered in a later of loose papers and junk. At that point the boy leads me into the living room where I stand for what seems like several minutes. All the while I am starring at the fat man watch an episode of Jerry Springer. Only after a commercial comes on does he start talking to me. I tell him I am here to fix their PC. He tells me that he doesn’t know anything about it, but his wife will be out shortly.

As soon as he states that, I watch a woman hobble out of the hallway on two crutches and her one leg rapped in a brace. She begins by asking if I was there about her workers compensation claim. I told her I wasn’t there for that but rather to fix her computer. I asked where the computer was located. She pointed over toward a desk. However, with all the junk I couldn’t find the PC. I just had to start moving all the junk around until I uncovered the computer. Once I could see the computer I realized this wasn’t going to get fixed that day because I would need more parts. I needed more parts because she removed the CPU without removing the heatsink and then tried to reinsert it. She took the very fine pins on the underside of the CPU and just bent them all at a 90-degree angle. There was no way it could be fixed. I also noticed other parts missing from the computer and had to search through the junk on the floor until I found them. It was a mess! As I was searching on the floor I felt fleas jumping on me. I started itching. I called the case specialist and was on hold waiting for him to pickup when I asked the woman how she hurt her leg.

She begins by asking me again if I was investigating her workers compensation claim and I told her again no. Then she states she didn’t really hurt her leg at work but rather did something at home. At this point I wanted to know how it happened. For some reason, I just knew it would be a funny story. She proceeds to tell me that she was drinking and was drunk. She was drinking some beers in the back of the pickup truck that was up on cinderblocks out front of the trailer. She went to sit on the back of the tailgate of the truck bed but fell off and hit her leg again the trailer hitch. At this point I am trying not to laugh. It wasn’t easy because she tried to use her body to explain how she fell and landed.

Eventually, I was able to speak with the case specialist to order the additional parts I needed to fix the computer, but I did ask him one important question, “who told the customer to try to reseat the CPU”? Apparently, the case specialist thought the woman was capable even though she had zero mechanical, electrical or advanced knowledge of the interworking’s of a computer. At this point, I just wanted to leave, so I quickly told the woman that someone would be out the next day to fix all the problems.

I turned to start heading toward the door and realized there was a sleeping baby in the room. A couple feet away from the baby was a pile of dirty diapers stacked at least 1-2 ft high. I realized that was actual sh!t I was smelling the entire time I was there. Knowing this I just wanted out of the trailer, but I had to wait for the boy to unlatch the bungy cord holding the door shut.

Once, I was out and sitting in my car I started to itch. I felt fleas jumping on me. There was no way I could continue to another customer’s site without ridding myself of the fleas. I headed straight home. Once home, I immediately put all my clothes in the washer and sprayed my entire inside of my car with the only thing I had which was Lysol.

Fast forward to the next day when the parts came in to fix the computer. For some reason, my coworker insisted that he wanted to complete the service call even after I told him what happened. After several minutes of warning him I gave in and let him take the service call. Midway through the day, I received a call from my coworker. He told me that he was heading home to change and get a shower due to the fleas and that I was lucky when I went because when he showed up the fat man was still sitting on the couch but this time without a shirt and in his boxers. My coworker sounded shocked and appalled that people could live in those conditions.

You never know where you will end up or who you will meet when you do field service work.