Now that you have completed reading over Kevin’s short stories and excuses I hope you have a better understanding of what I was working with and are excited to read more. I am so glad I documented these stories because they have brought a smile to my face and others that have heard or read them. This next story is completely true except people’s names have been altered. Enjoy!

The Job Offer

            We all have been in situations where someone told you something so outlandish that it made you laugh. Normally, these situations happen because the person never spent the extra time to think through what they said. However, sometimes it’s just because the person doesn’t know what they’re talking about. We’re all guilt of having this happen to ourselves at some point in our lives but somehow when it happened to Kevin it felt totally different. I didn’t know whether to feel sorry for him or roll off my chair in uncontrollable laughter.

The 3rd shift started off like any other night with Sam and I doing all the work while Kevin quietly sat in the corner with his laptop. Sam stepped out to complete some work and that’s when Kevin told me that he received a “job offer”. In my head I was screaming O’ Thank God I thought you would never leave! However, it took everything I had to tell him that was great news. With an overwhelming curiosity to find out who in their right minds would offer him a job, I asked “which company”? He stated the name of a local hospital. I instantly thought this can’t be right because hospitals normally hire professional not someone with zero experience or education.

At this point I had to ask more questions knowing this was leading somewhere funny. With a very upbeat tone, I asked the next most important question “when do you start”? Translated to when are you leaving in my mind? His response was very confusing. He wasn’t sure when they wanted him to start. I said to myself they didn’t tell you when they wanted you to start; well that’s strange. I asked him if he was going to accept the job offer. He seemed hesitant to answer the question like he was thinking about it but felt more comfortable in his current job. Knowing this I tried my best sell him on the idea by listing all the positives of the new job while providing all the negatives of his current position. Trying to find any positives of the new job I proceeded to ask if he would be making more in this new position? Not that I really cared but wanted to be able to sell him on this new position. That’s when it got even more confusing for me because he stated he didn’t know how much they planned on paying him.

All job offers that I have received have included a starting date and salary. For Kevin not to get either really made me believe it wasn’t a legitimate job offer but rather some type of scam. To get more information from him I asked him when he interviewed for the job. He stated that he never applied or interviewed for the job. According to him, they must have seen his resume on the internet and liked what they saw and decided to send him the job offer. I was in complete shock!!! I must have sat there looking at him with the strangest face possible all while trying not to roll off my chair laughing for at least two or three minutes. I am pretty sure at some point my head was shaking back in forth with my hand on my forehead. In the back of my mind, I was thinking WHAT… WHAT… WHAT… I HAVE SEEN YOUR RESUME the highest level of experience was a fast food place before this job!!!

After collecting my thoughts, I told Kevin that is not how normal people get jobs. He had a dumb and confused look on his face. I wish I had a picture of his face at that exact moment. That is when I realized that he had no clue of the standard process to apply for and to get a job. All the while I am thinking how you made it to your mid 20s and not have any clue how to apply for a job. Also, at that exact moment I also realized that I was working with Kevin because someone higher up within the company knew him.

At this point, I was trying to convince Kevin that he didn’t get a job offer but he didn’t believe me, so I requested to read the email he received. After reading the email, I realized that it was just a job posting someone had sent him.

A short time later Kevin stepped out and Sam was sitting next to me. I shared my story with Sam and he instantly started laughing. However, he explained that he was the person that sent Kevin the job posting because if the boss wasn’t going to get rid of Kevin we might as well help him find another job.